Respect – Everything A Guy Needs to Know About Sex, Love, and Consent
In the wake of the #MeToo movement, the question of how we raise boys has been brought to a head. The men in our society are products of prevailing norms. Now, it’s time for change.
But how do you talk with boys about sex?
In Respect – Everything A Guy Needs to Know About Sex, Love, and Consent, experienced Swedish sexual educator Inti Chavez Perez turns to teenage boys who have entered puberty to talk to them about sex in a direct, no-frills, and hands-on way. No question is too big, too small, too taboo, or too embarrassing. What’s a dick supposed to look like? How should sex feel? Is pornography okay? What do girls like? What do boys like? How do I protect myself, and how do I say no? How do I set boundaries for myself and others?
In this trailblazing guide to educating teenagers about their bodies, their pleasure, and their sexuality, Chavez Perez lets guys know their desires are okay, and guides them to understand how to heed them in a respectful and fulfilling way.
Sweden has long been a pioneering nation when it comes to gender studies, and sexual education has been mandatory in Swedish schools since 1955. Respect was lauded as the modern definite guide to sex education for boys upon its initial publication in 2010 and now the topical nature of the book has prompted publisher Alfabeta to publish a new, updated edition in May 2018.
With Respect – Everything A Guy Needs to Know About Sex, Love, and Consent, Chavez Perez addresses the full gamut – from the very basic questions of a boy in his early teens to the more complicated matters of a young man on the doorstep of adulthood. This is the younger brother to Norwegian bestseller The Wonder Down Under, aimed at boys who just hit puberty and young men who want to learn more, to get the conversation going about sex, love, and consent. From Sweden with love, here is the perfect guide for how to talk about sex for guys – so that moms and dads don’t have to.
“An excellent handbook that, with a matter-of-fact and easy-going tone, provides answers to the thoughts both boys and girls have.”
Svenska Dagbladet (SE)
“It’s like having a big brother.”
Dagens Arena (SE)
“The writer brings the reader into the world of infatuation, flirting, and sex. With the help of his own experiences and the tales of others, he gives great tips and advice whether your are hetero, homo, trans, or asexual. He explains how guys can flirt with girls without harassing them, and find out whether or not a guy is into guys without losing face. […] It’s a bold project that Chavez Perez has taken upon himself. Writing a book about sex education today is probably something quite different from what it once was. There’s now a greater openness when it comes to sexual orientation, greater cultural diversity, and pornography is just a click away. But today, guys’ sexuality is mostly seen as disrespectful to girls. Chavez Perez has a great eye for all these things. […] Respect is sex education for the modern world. And yes, I recommend it to every parent thinking about whether or not it’s time to give a book about sex to their sons.”
dagbladet, 5/6 (NO)
“In an open-minded, straightforward, and reliable fashion, the young reader is guided through the vast universal spectrum of things that might seem difficult both at the top and down below – be it size, shame, love, or sexually transmitted diseases. More complicated topics such as the male role, sexual identity, and equality – summed up in six “respect techniques” – are presented with ease, knowledge, and much-needed positivity. […] For the intended readers this is an exciting input on a theme that will please, torment, and astonish them for the rest of their lives. This is hardly something one single book can cover, but Respect is a solid effort. Respect.”
verdens gang, 5/6 (NO)
“A book that will please many and aggravate a few: Respect. It’s high time this book comes in Norwegian. Not since 1969, that’s 50 years ago, when The Little Red Schoolbook was published, has there been such an unpretentious, straightforward, and moral book about sex, meant to be read by young people in puberty. […] Chavez Perez is open and unprejudiced, and very ethical. The clue is in the title: Respect. […] The style is clear and straightforward. Not least, he gets to the bottom of a number of attitudes and notions that seem out-of-date to some, but that ought be out-of-date for everyone.”
Fædrelandsvennen, 5/6 (NO)
“A necessary and important book. […] Chavez Perez is both stern and direct on themes such as power structures and gender roles, and that’s good. […] [His] strength is that he criticizes the system, combined with his colloquial and easygoing style. Is there really a good away to send a dickpic? Chavez Perez is a kind of big brother who generously shares his own awkward experiences. The book is liberatingly not heteronormative. Sex with both men and women are given equal space. […] Respect is a good place to start for guys who are looking to learn more about everything from legislation when it comes to sharing nude pics to respectful pick-up lines. A book that generated a lot of interesting conversations at home.”
“Respect has a critical eye on the the male role and the unwritten rules that exist regarding what guys are allowed and not allowed to do if they wish to be seen as ”real guys”. By also focusing on the price guys have to pay for their masculinity, this book is especially suited to expanding the at times narrow male role.”
“I think about what it’s like reading about sex in your teens. Guys and girls are generally just as curious, but they get their information from different sources. Girls read Kamratposten’s Body and Mind column, and move on to columns and short stories from women’s magazines such as Frida and Veckorevyn, and at the same time read about sex in novels. […] The selection for the opposite sex is neither as nuanced nor as wide. And yes, guys can read the same books as girls and sure, some of them do, but where are the modern texts written from their perspectives – that isn’t porn? Who answers future men’s questions about their bodies and sexuality, where do they find exciting reflections and down-to-earth advice on how to flirt, make out, feel pleasure, say no or come out? And not least – who helps them see through the myths and notions regarding the male role? […] Inti Chavez Perez book Respect is everything I’ve demanded above. Hooray! A modern and nuanced handbook for guys about sex, relationships, gender and equality, that I hope many girls will read too. […] This book is amazingly good. It’s frank, wise, and funny.”
“Chavez Perez writes about themes like peer pressure, groping, spreading rumors, and social control. […] The book is important because it provides an explenation to how pornography contributes to wrong and rather strange expectations of sex.”
nrk, 5/6 (NO)
“Respect is open-minded, honest, queer […] There’s talk about the oppression of the pussy, gay porn, anal sex, the male role, about the fact that everything’s ok (even not liking sex at all) and lots about that ever-important thing: respect.”
Dagens Bok (SE)
“A fresh take on modern sex ed.”
“Respect by Inti Chavez Perez is delightfully refreshing considering what’s out there to read when it comes to sex. […] This is a book that deals with so much more than sex, but at the same it holds many practical tips. […] Many examples are taken from the author’s own encounters with teenagers in his job as a sexual educator. The style is matter-of-fact and honest, with room for both sensitivity and humor.”